The problem

Today is All Souls Day, I receive confirmation every day of the distance between Jesus' command to love as he loved and my own attempts to love which are so mixed with selfishness. Once in a while I experience the great freedom and power of loving as Jesus did, of forgetting about myself, of doing only what the Father wants. But this is the exception to the rule. These moments are so rewarding and joyful that you would think that I would repeat them, cling to them, desire to only to do the Father's will. I am reminded of Chesterton's definition of insanity. "To crawl inside a box, paint stars on the inside and call it the universe." So life is cramped and depressing and like a chain when I fail to forget about myself, when I can see no farther than my reaction to the world and not see the world itself.