Sunday, November 22, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Dedication of our Church
On November 12, 1912 Bishop Hennessey dedicated the Church of St. Patrick in Kingman. We have been worshipping God in this church for 96 years. The celebration of the dedication of a church ranks ahead of all other memorials in the calendar. It is on the same level as a wedding anniversary. The Church is the bride and Jesus is the groom. For us in our community of Kingman Jesus has been a devoted spouse and husband to us. You celebrate your wedding anniversary as a way of renewing your joy at the yes that was exchanged between you. We celebrate the dedication of our Church as a renewal of the yes of the people of Kingman to the love of God.
You are living stones being built into the temple of God.
You are living stones being built into the temple of God.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
15 ways to pay attention at mass.
1. Prepare. Don’t go into mass waiting to get blindsided. Find out what the readings are going to be before hand and read them. They can be found many places. They were probably in last week’s bulletin. You can find them in The Catholic Key and easiest of all you can find them on the US Bishops site. Read them before hand. Meditate on the readings. Let scripture speak to you.
2. Arrive early. A sure way to be distracted is by walking down the aisle either right before or after the processional. People should not be wondering why you are not wearing an alb.
3. Pray. What should you do with that extra time?? Sure, visiting with your fellow parishioners is nice but get to your seat 5-10 minutes before mass starts and spend it in prayer. Ask God to be with you during mass and to give you the grace to actively participate in the mass. And if you choose to continue visiting please do it in the entry. The sanctuary is a holy place and people are trying to pray.
4. Sing. During the processional, the Gloria and all of the other parts of the mass. It’s been said that when you sing you are actually praying twice. You don’t have to be Pavarotti to sing as mass (if you haven’t noticed by the singing of some of the cantors!) Don’t be embarrassed. None of us are great singers but we are singing God’s praise and that’s a good thing. That doesn’t mean that you have to belt it out louder than everyone else in the congregation either.
5. Follow along. I’ve heard pros and cons of following along in the missalette. I’ve heard that the lector is breaking open the word of God and we should be listening and not reading. Well, that’s a valid point but there are some of us out there who can comprehend better by reading than by listening. If this is you then follow along. Some churches have the readings in the back of the hymnal. Some have seasonal missalettes for you. Or you can bring your own. They sell them bound or in a monthly periodical called the “Magnificat.”
6. LISTEN to the homily!! Father has got something to say!! He may not be some inspirational speaker. He may have been busy this week and not prepared the best homily but you never know. You can always find some nugget in what Father has to say. Sometimes you may have an “Ah-ha!” moment and you wonder if Father wrote this with you personally in mind. You will think to yourself, “No—it couldn’t be. I haven’t talked to him about this issue I’m having –besides—I’m from out of town and have never met the man!”
7. LISTEN to the prayers of the faithful. For some reason I always find this a distracting time. It’s after the homily. It’s after the creed and my mind is stretched to the limit. Listen to each intention and when say, “Lord, hear our prayer” know what you are asking for. Maybe you will remember the name of a sick person or recently departed to take home to remember in your prayers there.
8. Meditate. If you are still too shy to sing during the collection than spend that time meditating. Think back to the readings. Think about Father’s homily. Or prepare yourself for what is about to come.
9. Repeat to yourself what Father is saying during the Eucharistic prayers. I admit that I get distracted during the Eucharistic prayers. So much is being said. After the priest says something simply repeat what he says in your head. A simple way to become a more active participant.
10. Visualize what is being said during the consecration. Imagine Jesus at the Last Supper. Only he is right in front of you saying, “This is my body.”
11. Appreciate what is going on around you spiritually. Sure, sure, you may be in a church surrounded by your friends and family but much more is going on in the spiritual realm. The mass is a unification of Heaven and Earth. You are in Heaven when you are at mass. It’s more than your wife and kids there with you. There is a giant cloud of saints there with you. Your loved ones who have passed are there with you. Even more than that—you are truly unified with the universal church and you are there with the church from across town as well from the church on the other side of the world.
12. Realize what is about to happen as you walk up to communion. You are about to hold Jesus Christ in your hands. The creator of the universe is about to be put I your hands and you, the created are about to consume the creator.
13. PRAY! The time after receiving the blessed sacrament is one of the best times to pray. Think of it. Jesus is never closer to you than at this moment. Jesus is literally in you. Thank him. Praise him. Offer him your petitions.
14. Stay!! Mass isn’t over after communion! There is still a closing prayer!! Don’t be like Judas who left the Last Supper before it was over!! Sing that final song!
15. Now here is probably the crazy suggestion. Stay after mass and pray some more!! Why rush off?? The parking lot is going to be crazy!! You are not going to get out of there for a good ten minutes anyway.
2. Arrive early. A sure way to be distracted is by walking down the aisle either right before or after the processional. People should not be wondering why you are not wearing an alb.
3. Pray. What should you do with that extra time?? Sure, visiting with your fellow parishioners is nice but get to your seat 5-10 minutes before mass starts and spend it in prayer. Ask God to be with you during mass and to give you the grace to actively participate in the mass. And if you choose to continue visiting please do it in the entry. The sanctuary is a holy place and people are trying to pray.
4. Sing. During the processional, the Gloria and all of the other parts of the mass. It’s been said that when you sing you are actually praying twice. You don’t have to be Pavarotti to sing as mass (if you haven’t noticed by the singing of some of the cantors!) Don’t be embarrassed. None of us are great singers but we are singing God’s praise and that’s a good thing. That doesn’t mean that you have to belt it out louder than everyone else in the congregation either.
5. Follow along. I’ve heard pros and cons of following along in the missalette. I’ve heard that the lector is breaking open the word of God and we should be listening and not reading. Well, that’s a valid point but there are some of us out there who can comprehend better by reading than by listening. If this is you then follow along. Some churches have the readings in the back of the hymnal. Some have seasonal missalettes for you. Or you can bring your own. They sell them bound or in a monthly periodical called the “Magnificat.”
6. LISTEN to the homily!! Father has got something to say!! He may not be some inspirational speaker. He may have been busy this week and not prepared the best homily but you never know. You can always find some nugget in what Father has to say. Sometimes you may have an “Ah-ha!” moment and you wonder if Father wrote this with you personally in mind. You will think to yourself, “No—it couldn’t be. I haven’t talked to him about this issue I’m having –besides—I’m from out of town and have never met the man!”
7. LISTEN to the prayers of the faithful. For some reason I always find this a distracting time. It’s after the homily. It’s after the creed and my mind is stretched to the limit. Listen to each intention and when say, “Lord, hear our prayer” know what you are asking for. Maybe you will remember the name of a sick person or recently departed to take home to remember in your prayers there.
8. Meditate. If you are still too shy to sing during the collection than spend that time meditating. Think back to the readings. Think about Father’s homily. Or prepare yourself for what is about to come.
9. Repeat to yourself what Father is saying during the Eucharistic prayers. I admit that I get distracted during the Eucharistic prayers. So much is being said. After the priest says something simply repeat what he says in your head. A simple way to become a more active participant.
10. Visualize what is being said during the consecration. Imagine Jesus at the Last Supper. Only he is right in front of you saying, “This is my body.”
11. Appreciate what is going on around you spiritually. Sure, sure, you may be in a church surrounded by your friends and family but much more is going on in the spiritual realm. The mass is a unification of Heaven and Earth. You are in Heaven when you are at mass. It’s more than your wife and kids there with you. There is a giant cloud of saints there with you. Your loved ones who have passed are there with you. Even more than that—you are truly unified with the universal church and you are there with the church from across town as well from the church on the other side of the world.
12. Realize what is about to happen as you walk up to communion. You are about to hold Jesus Christ in your hands. The creator of the universe is about to be put I your hands and you, the created are about to consume the creator.
13. PRAY! The time after receiving the blessed sacrament is one of the best times to pray. Think of it. Jesus is never closer to you than at this moment. Jesus is literally in you. Thank him. Praise him. Offer him your petitions.
14. Stay!! Mass isn’t over after communion! There is still a closing prayer!! Don’t be like Judas who left the Last Supper before it was over!! Sing that final song!
15. Now here is probably the crazy suggestion. Stay after mass and pray some more!! Why rush off?? The parking lot is going to be crazy!! You are not going to get out of there for a good ten minutes anyway.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
CHAPTER I
Of the imitation of Christ, and of contempt of the world and all
its vanities
He that followeth me shall not walk in darkness,(1) saith the
Lord. These are the words of Christ; and they teach us how far
we must imitate His life and character, if we seek true
illumination, and deliverance from all blindness of heart. Let
it be our most earnest study, therefore, to dwell upon the life
of Jesus Christ.
2. His teaching surpasseth all teaching of holy men, and such as
have His Spirit find therein the hidden manna.(2) But there are
many who, though they frequently hear the Gospel, yet feel but
little longing after it, because they have not the mind of
Christ. He, therefore, that will fully and with true wisdom
understand the words of Christ, let him strive to conform his
whole life to that mind of Christ.
Of the imitation of Christ, and of contempt of the world and all
its vanities
He that followeth me shall not walk in darkness,(1) saith the
Lord. These are the words of Christ; and they teach us how far
we must imitate His life and character, if we seek true
illumination, and deliverance from all blindness of heart. Let
it be our most earnest study, therefore, to dwell upon the life
of Jesus Christ.
2. His teaching surpasseth all teaching of holy men, and such as
have His Spirit find therein the hidden manna.(2) But there are
many who, though they frequently hear the Gospel, yet feel but
little longing after it, because they have not the mind of
Christ. He, therefore, that will fully and with true wisdom
understand the words of Christ, let him strive to conform his
whole life to that mind of Christ.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Let love be sincere;
hate what is evil,
hold on to what is good;
love one another with mutual affection;
anticipate one another in showing honor.
Do not grow slack in zeal,
be fervent in spirit,
serve the Lord.
Rejoice in hope,
endure in affliction,
persevere in prayer.
Contribute to the needs of the holy ones,
exercise hospitality.
Bless those who persecute you,
bless and do not curse them.
Rejoice with those who rejoice,
weep with those who weep.
Have the same regard for one another;
do not be haughty but associate with the lowly.
hate what is evil,
hold on to what is good;
love one another with mutual affection;
anticipate one another in showing honor.
Do not grow slack in zeal,
be fervent in spirit,
serve the Lord.
Rejoice in hope,
endure in affliction,
persevere in prayer.
Contribute to the needs of the holy ones,
exercise hospitality.
Bless those who persecute you,
bless and do not curse them.
Rejoice with those who rejoice,
weep with those who weep.
Have the same regard for one another;
do not be haughty but associate with the lowly.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Read this BEFORE you get married
This article appeared in the weekly parish bulletin column of St. Lambert's Church in Skokie, IL. The author is "The Rev. Know It All" the resident apologetics personality of the pastor Fr. Richard Simon.
Here it is in its entirity:
**********************************
Warning:: THIS EPISODE OF THE REV. KNOW IT ALL IS EXTREMELY OFFENSIVE. IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU OR ANYONE YOU KNOW. PLEASE READ THE WHOLE ARTICLE. THE REV. KNOW IT ALL IS NOT OPPOSED TO ALL WEDDING CELEBRATIONS. HE IS NOT TALKING ABOUT YOUR WEDDING
WHICH WAS A TRIUMPH OF PERSONAL SANCTITY AND GOOD TASTE. HE IS PROBABLY JUST HAVING A BAD DAY.
Dear Rev. Know it all,
I visited your church once and am thinking about having my wedding there. How long is your main aisle?
Mary O’burne
Dear Mary,
I am often asked that question, and never quite understand it. Are brides curious about the length of the aisle because they think a longer aisle may give them a few more minutes to back out of the whole thing? Or, as I suspect, does a long aisle
prolong the glorious promenade of which a young girl dreams as she thumbs through bridal magazine as she contemplates her special day, when all eyes focus on her as she approaches her enchanted prince and all the world thinks she’s gorgeous and
knows that she has bagged her man just as surely as a Wisconsin bricklayer bags a deer and ties it onto the roof of his pick up truck? I have certainly seen a few grooms who look like a frightened deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck.
Why is it that weddings cause people to spend so much time, energy and money? And more money.
The average American wedding costs almost $29,000, according to “The Wedding Report”, a market research publication. $29,000!” Oh, by the by, the usual donation to the church is about $200.00. That $200 goes to the church, not to the priest. The usual gift to the priest is a hearty handclasp. The usual cost of the photographer is
$2,000.00. All this tells me that the photographs are one hundred times more important than the grace of the sacrament, in most peoples’ estimation. The usual fee for the DJ is $1,500.00. I am consoled by this. It means that painful,occasionally obscene music loud enough to cause brain damage is only 75 times more important than the grace of the sacrament.
You must be thinking why is this guy so down on weddings? I am down on some weddings because I am very “up” on the sacrament of matrimony and really in favor of marriage. That’s why the modern method of marrying and the wedding industry
make me crazy. They militate against marriage.
Here is the heart of my complaint. IT IS STUPID TO SPEND MORE TIME AND MONEY
PREPARING FOR THE WEDDING THAN YOU DO PREPARING FOR THE MARRIAGE!!! I have known people who are still paying the credit card bills generated by the wedding years after the marriage is over.
The Modern Method of Marriage, a Reprise. The following is taken from my own experiences and things people have told me (outside of confession, you’ll be glad to know.) Here goes.
A young man and a young woman meet and have a few dates. They go for a weekend at a bed and breakfast where they bed one another, and then have breakfast. If he isn’t too much of a jerk and she isn’t too picky, they are then an item. She goes to the doctor gets a prescription and goes on to a more permanent form of birth control. At some time during this stage, the uncomfortable meeting with the parents happens. Everyone is polite and “supportive.” Secretly the father of the young woman who knows exactly what’s going on, contemplates buying a gun and the mother of theyoung man begins gossiping with whomever will listen about how her little boy could do better.
After a while, if things hold up, they begin to have the conversation about taking their relationship to the “next level” by which they mean shacking up,
as we used to call it. Now, I think it’s called moving in together.
Mom and Dad buy housewarming gifts in an attempt to, once again, be supportive. They don’t want their little dears to hate them and besides, it’s what everyone is doing these days, so it can’t be wrong. They have vague thoughts about getting married at that point and mom explains to grandma and to friends at church that they are
just doing it to save money for the wedding. At this stage an engagement ring may appear. At some point, when they think about getting the house and the kids, because that’s what you do, they decide to have the wedding. They rent the hall and then go see the priest. He tells them there are four other weddings that day and they
respond, “but we’ve rented the hall already.”
Someone suggests a garden wedding if the church is occupied. The priest says we can’t do garden weddings. (More on this later.) The young couple begins to complain about how narrow minded the Church is with all these rules and regulations. They eventually pick a date. Then the bottom drops out.
It seems the groom is not Catholic. He was baptized in the First Reformed Church of the Druids, though he never practiced. This means there must be a dispensation for the marriage,another irritating Catholic invention, and the wedding date cannot be confirmed until the dispensation is received. The bride goes back to her doctor, this time for a prescription for valium. Her mother joins her on this visit. Finally the
dispensation is granted, The groom’s druid will do one of the readings at the wedding, the loans are taken out, the banns are published. Then there is the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. The best man comes to the rehearsal drunk out of his mind, the groom only slightly tipsy. The bride is furious at everyone for some reason known to her alone. Probably because the groom is far more interested in drinking and watching the football game on hishand held computer thing than he is in gazing lovingly into her eyes in anticipation of the great day. In fact they haven’t been, well... friendly in weeks. It is, after all, football season.
The special day comes, the best man is still drunk, the groom is hung over, no one knew about that interesting tattoo that the maid of honor had way low on her back, now revealed by the plunging back of her dress that is held up only by wishful thinking. Grandma, upon reading the logo of the maid of honor’s tattoo, has fainted.
Somewhere in all this the vows are exchanged, and quite a few of the wedding party receive their first Holy Communion that day, however one of the ushers
puts the host in his suit pocket not having a clue what it is. (This actually has happened to me twice.) The pictures have been taken. The noise level in the church reaches that of an English soccer match after the riot has broken out. The children are jumping off the altar and the priest is scowling at everyone. Now on to the pictures in the forest preserve, a “must” at every wedding. There the wedding party is attacked by mosquitoes, one of the children falls into the lagoon and the bride is having a hard time smiling for the photos. The best man passes out. On to the reception.
The bride loses it because the shade of fuchsia in the floral center pieces clashes with the shade of fuchsia in the wedding party’s outfit. The groom adjourns to the bar where the game is on the television. The wedding dinner is served as music is played at a mind numbing volume. Grandma is better now. She has turned off her hearing aid. The priest is seated with the pious relatives in plaid suit coats and leaves shortly after the grace before meals. The best man makes the toast which drones on about how he loves the groom and one begins to wonder. The college roommate/maid of honor does the same for the bride, going on for fifteen minutes about how she knew the bride would find eternal marital bliss the moment she met her in the third grade and they have been like sisters ever since.
Then at some point, there is a video presentation of embarrassing photos not unlike the ones that are now shown at wakes. The bar opens up again.The music reaches levels that cause blood to drip from some peoples’ nose and ears. The joyous event ends with the bride and groom being the last to leave the hall. They are slow to go up to the room they have rented in the hotel because nothing new or beautiful awaits them there. The groom promptly falls asleep, being heavily sedated already, and, as he snores away, with his shoes still on, our blushing bride, having shed her dress of virginal white, thinks back on this day, her special day, the most important day in her life, the day she has dreamt of since she was a little girl.
They will stay an extra day at the hotel, but cannot afford the time or money to go on a honeymoon because on Monday they will both be back at work in order to pay off the colossal bill that their special day has incurred. For some reason, the bride is depressed. Perhaps she is realizing that the high point of her life is now past and the rest of it will be spent with the lump that is now snoring beside her with whom she has never really had a serious conversation, except about the proper shade of fuchsia for the floral centerpieces. So it is that we celebrate the marriage of Christ and His Church in these enlightened and tolerant times.
Remember, none of these things happened at your wedding, thank God and don’t think from reading this that I am down on marriage or even weddings. I love a wedding celebration when there is something to celebrate. Also, it is never too late to begin again by taking Christ and His gospel seriously.
PLEASE SPEND MORE TIME AND MONEY PREPARING FOR THE MARRIAGE THAN YOU DO PREPARING FOR THE WEDDING.
Yours,
The Rev, Know it all
P.S. Garden weddings. They look good in all the bridal magazines but they are just opportunities to feed biting insects and suffer from sunburn. It is however amusing to watch the bridesmaids sinking in the mud as they try, after a few margaritas to maneuver the newly laid sod in spiked heals. The bride is generally exhausted from not having slept for three weeks as she worries about the weather reports which are promising a 50 percent chance of typhoons and earthquakes that day. And destination weddings. Don’t get me started on Destination Weddings! You want to be married with just your closest friends on a beach in Maui. That means that Grandma can’t go because she hasn’t flown since the Hindenburg Disaster, and is thinking of cutting you out of the will, and all the friends and relatives who aren’t with you on the beach in Maui realize they aren’t very close to you after all. And I haven’t a clue how long the aisle is here at St. Dymphna’s.
Here it is in its entirity:
**********************************
Warning:: THIS EPISODE OF THE REV. KNOW IT ALL IS EXTREMELY OFFENSIVE. IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU OR ANYONE YOU KNOW. PLEASE READ THE WHOLE ARTICLE. THE REV. KNOW IT ALL IS NOT OPPOSED TO ALL WEDDING CELEBRATIONS. HE IS NOT TALKING ABOUT YOUR WEDDING
WHICH WAS A TRIUMPH OF PERSONAL SANCTITY AND GOOD TASTE. HE IS PROBABLY JUST HAVING A BAD DAY.
Dear Rev. Know it all,
I visited your church once and am thinking about having my wedding there. How long is your main aisle?
Mary O’burne
Dear Mary,
I am often asked that question, and never quite understand it. Are brides curious about the length of the aisle because they think a longer aisle may give them a few more minutes to back out of the whole thing? Or, as I suspect, does a long aisle
prolong the glorious promenade of which a young girl dreams as she thumbs through bridal magazine as she contemplates her special day, when all eyes focus on her as she approaches her enchanted prince and all the world thinks she’s gorgeous and
knows that she has bagged her man just as surely as a Wisconsin bricklayer bags a deer and ties it onto the roof of his pick up truck? I have certainly seen a few grooms who look like a frightened deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck.
Why is it that weddings cause people to spend so much time, energy and money? And more money.
The average American wedding costs almost $29,000, according to “The Wedding Report”, a market research publication. $29,000!” Oh, by the by, the usual donation to the church is about $200.00. That $200 goes to the church, not to the priest. The usual gift to the priest is a hearty handclasp. The usual cost of the photographer is
$2,000.00. All this tells me that the photographs are one hundred times more important than the grace of the sacrament, in most peoples’ estimation. The usual fee for the DJ is $1,500.00. I am consoled by this. It means that painful,occasionally obscene music loud enough to cause brain damage is only 75 times more important than the grace of the sacrament.
You must be thinking why is this guy so down on weddings? I am down on some weddings because I am very “up” on the sacrament of matrimony and really in favor of marriage. That’s why the modern method of marrying and the wedding industry
make me crazy. They militate against marriage.
Here is the heart of my complaint. IT IS STUPID TO SPEND MORE TIME AND MONEY
PREPARING FOR THE WEDDING THAN YOU DO PREPARING FOR THE MARRIAGE!!! I have known people who are still paying the credit card bills generated by the wedding years after the marriage is over.
The Modern Method of Marriage, a Reprise. The following is taken from my own experiences and things people have told me (outside of confession, you’ll be glad to know.) Here goes.
A young man and a young woman meet and have a few dates. They go for a weekend at a bed and breakfast where they bed one another, and then have breakfast. If he isn’t too much of a jerk and she isn’t too picky, they are then an item. She goes to the doctor gets a prescription and goes on to a more permanent form of birth control. At some time during this stage, the uncomfortable meeting with the parents happens. Everyone is polite and “supportive.” Secretly the father of the young woman who knows exactly what’s going on, contemplates buying a gun and the mother of theyoung man begins gossiping with whomever will listen about how her little boy could do better.
After a while, if things hold up, they begin to have the conversation about taking their relationship to the “next level” by which they mean shacking up,
as we used to call it. Now, I think it’s called moving in together.
Mom and Dad buy housewarming gifts in an attempt to, once again, be supportive. They don’t want their little dears to hate them and besides, it’s what everyone is doing these days, so it can’t be wrong. They have vague thoughts about getting married at that point and mom explains to grandma and to friends at church that they are
just doing it to save money for the wedding. At this stage an engagement ring may appear. At some point, when they think about getting the house and the kids, because that’s what you do, they decide to have the wedding. They rent the hall and then go see the priest. He tells them there are four other weddings that day and they
respond, “but we’ve rented the hall already.”
Someone suggests a garden wedding if the church is occupied. The priest says we can’t do garden weddings. (More on this later.) The young couple begins to complain about how narrow minded the Church is with all these rules and regulations. They eventually pick a date. Then the bottom drops out.
It seems the groom is not Catholic. He was baptized in the First Reformed Church of the Druids, though he never practiced. This means there must be a dispensation for the marriage,another irritating Catholic invention, and the wedding date cannot be confirmed until the dispensation is received. The bride goes back to her doctor, this time for a prescription for valium. Her mother joins her on this visit. Finally the
dispensation is granted, The groom’s druid will do one of the readings at the wedding, the loans are taken out, the banns are published. Then there is the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. The best man comes to the rehearsal drunk out of his mind, the groom only slightly tipsy. The bride is furious at everyone for some reason known to her alone. Probably because the groom is far more interested in drinking and watching the football game on hishand held computer thing than he is in gazing lovingly into her eyes in anticipation of the great day. In fact they haven’t been, well... friendly in weeks. It is, after all, football season.
The special day comes, the best man is still drunk, the groom is hung over, no one knew about that interesting tattoo that the maid of honor had way low on her back, now revealed by the plunging back of her dress that is held up only by wishful thinking. Grandma, upon reading the logo of the maid of honor’s tattoo, has fainted.
Somewhere in all this the vows are exchanged, and quite a few of the wedding party receive their first Holy Communion that day, however one of the ushers
puts the host in his suit pocket not having a clue what it is. (This actually has happened to me twice.) The pictures have been taken. The noise level in the church reaches that of an English soccer match after the riot has broken out. The children are jumping off the altar and the priest is scowling at everyone. Now on to the pictures in the forest preserve, a “must” at every wedding. There the wedding party is attacked by mosquitoes, one of the children falls into the lagoon and the bride is having a hard time smiling for the photos. The best man passes out. On to the reception.
The bride loses it because the shade of fuchsia in the floral center pieces clashes with the shade of fuchsia in the wedding party’s outfit. The groom adjourns to the bar where the game is on the television. The wedding dinner is served as music is played at a mind numbing volume. Grandma is better now. She has turned off her hearing aid. The priest is seated with the pious relatives in plaid suit coats and leaves shortly after the grace before meals. The best man makes the toast which drones on about how he loves the groom and one begins to wonder. The college roommate/maid of honor does the same for the bride, going on for fifteen minutes about how she knew the bride would find eternal marital bliss the moment she met her in the third grade and they have been like sisters ever since.
Then at some point, there is a video presentation of embarrassing photos not unlike the ones that are now shown at wakes. The bar opens up again.The music reaches levels that cause blood to drip from some peoples’ nose and ears. The joyous event ends with the bride and groom being the last to leave the hall. They are slow to go up to the room they have rented in the hotel because nothing new or beautiful awaits them there. The groom promptly falls asleep, being heavily sedated already, and, as he snores away, with his shoes still on, our blushing bride, having shed her dress of virginal white, thinks back on this day, her special day, the most important day in her life, the day she has dreamt of since she was a little girl.
They will stay an extra day at the hotel, but cannot afford the time or money to go on a honeymoon because on Monday they will both be back at work in order to pay off the colossal bill that their special day has incurred. For some reason, the bride is depressed. Perhaps she is realizing that the high point of her life is now past and the rest of it will be spent with the lump that is now snoring beside her with whom she has never really had a serious conversation, except about the proper shade of fuchsia for the floral centerpieces. So it is that we celebrate the marriage of Christ and His Church in these enlightened and tolerant times.
Remember, none of these things happened at your wedding, thank God and don’t think from reading this that I am down on marriage or even weddings. I love a wedding celebration when there is something to celebrate. Also, it is never too late to begin again by taking Christ and His gospel seriously.
PLEASE SPEND MORE TIME AND MONEY PREPARING FOR THE MARRIAGE THAN YOU DO PREPARING FOR THE WEDDING.
Yours,
The Rev, Know it all
P.S. Garden weddings. They look good in all the bridal magazines but they are just opportunities to feed biting insects and suffer from sunburn. It is however amusing to watch the bridesmaids sinking in the mud as they try, after a few margaritas to maneuver the newly laid sod in spiked heals. The bride is generally exhausted from not having slept for three weeks as she worries about the weather reports which are promising a 50 percent chance of typhoons and earthquakes that day. And destination weddings. Don’t get me started on Destination Weddings! You want to be married with just your closest friends on a beach in Maui. That means that Grandma can’t go because she hasn’t flown since the Hindenburg Disaster, and is thinking of cutting you out of the will, and all the friends and relatives who aren’t with you on the beach in Maui realize they aren’t very close to you after all. And I haven’t a clue how long the aisle is here at St. Dymphna’s.
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